Categories
As E Dey Go On the Blaze

The Most Frustrating People to Be Out With When You Want to Have Fun.

You’ve made the decision to go out to party. That’s fantastic. However, if you truly want to have a good time at whatever event you attend, avoid going out with any of these people because they will frustrate you in some way.

Couples

If you go out with a couple, you’ll be sorry. They only know how to annoy PDAs and exchange saliva whenever they get the chance. I didn’t invite you out for a dry hump; I invited you out for drinks.

Ambiverts 

At the very least, introverts prefer to stay at home. Ambiverts have on and off days, and they don’t always realize they don’t want to be out until they are. If you’re out with an ambivert on a day when they want to stay in, God help you. They will irritate you by constantly acting as if they are being punished. They will not even attempt to have fun; instead, they will sit in a corner and press their phones. Meanwhile, they’re the ones who asked you to accompany them. Chisom, we just arrived; stop asking if we can go.

SUGGESTION: You can get News updates directly on WhatsApp by clicking “HERE” and joining our group.

9-5ers

9-5ers are full-blown party animals. It’s like they channel all the stress from their work into energy for turn up. When you go out with them, you’ll be exhausted within one hour. If you’re out with bankers, architects or lawyers to be precise, just be ready to stay out till 5 a.m. They don’t know when to call it a night, even when they have work the following day.

People who live with their parents 

They’ll try to include you in one stressful lie or scheme so that they can be out. When they’re finally out, they’re paranoid about getting caught. Can’t even post them on your insta story in case one grand cousin’s sister’s daughter accidentally finds your page. Omo, Tunde, this isn’t what I signed up for. Then there are the ones with 9 p.m. curfews, who try to make you leave early too. You and who? Do I leave with your parents?

People who live far away

They always have to leave early because their house is far from civilisation. You sef should know better than to invite somebody from FESTAC out at night. If you want them to stay longer, you have to give them a place to sleep.

Gym buffs

Latest 7 p.m., they’re heading back home because they have to go to the gym the next morning. And while they’re out, they won’t eat or drink certain things because it’s not part of their diet. And they’ll judge you while you’re eating your shawarma and fries at 11 p.m. As if you’re on the diet with them. 

Influencers

All they want to do is record videos of every single thing that’s happening, all in the name of content. Instead of properly partying, they’re shooting “Come turn up with me on a Friday night” vlogs. If you give them the chance, they’ll carry tripod to the club. 

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

This December, ‘How to Ball on a Mechanic’s Budget’

There are only a few weeks left in 2022, so you should already be able to tell whether you’re a baller or a mechanic. And if the latter applies to you, you’ll need these suggestions to make the most of the next holiday season.

Fast and pray.

Committing your account to God through prayer is the first step. Will he increase the value of your account, assign an assistant to find you, or grant you concert tickets in your dreams? If you don’t try, you won’t know.

Buy affordable tickets ‘not asake’ tickets😭’

Who’s to say that you need to be a big boy to hang out with them? Whether you obtained your ticket through a giveaway or just because you are the bird that didn’t sleep is irrelevant. What counts is that you’re outside, dancing to your favorite artist’s performance, and screaming your lungs out.

Get rid of your properties.

You need to increase your income because that is the sole reason you aren’t a baller. If you don’t have any properties to sell, don’t worry. You can make a lot of money by selling your body. Should we point out that you have a functioning kidney and a spare?

Take public transportation.

On the day of the event, you still don’t have enough cash to pay for Uber because you had to sell your father’s land to get Asake’s tickets. Don’t worry; you’ll enjoy public transportation. Use “o wa” as practice for when your favorite performs, as a pro tip.

Possess wealthy friends.

They advise follow who know road but hold your tfare! Additionally, it’s an indication that you should start cutting ties with your current buddies if they aren’t offering you free tickets. Were we able to figure out how you’d meet the wealthy? No. But we’re confident you’ll figure it out.

Eat from home.

There is no rule that says you can’t be a foodie, but try to eat something before you leave the house. We cannot allow you to become so hungry during your legwork that you pass out due to your refusal to pay 5K for pasta with facebeat.

Categories
On the Blaze Relationship

You Should Let Your Nigerian Parents Pick Your Partner for These 9 Reasons

You’re one of the fortunate few if your Nigerian parents have never tried to arrange for you to meet someone. Although there aren’t many advantages to having your parents pick a partner for you, there could be a few. Below, I’ve listed nine.

The best outcome for you is what they want.

They love you too much to choose just any random person since you are their child. To select the best member of the herd, they will take their time. However, there are situations when what people think is best for you may end up being the worst.

They desire to boast.

They’ll pick the greatest person even if they don’t want the best for you so they can boast to their friends and family that their child is dating the owner of Mr. Biggs.

They conduct research.

Nigerian parents are able to track someone down to their home village. So you won’t have to worry about meeting someone who is already married and has two children if they choose someone for you.

They could direct you away from their errors.

They’ve been married for so long and have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. They can now help you avoid the traits in your relationship that they initially failed to see.

They are interconnected.

The networking kings and queens are Nigerian parents. Tell me how you learned that a friend’s child lives abroad, works as a pilot, or is connected to the English King. Better ask them for assistance because they might be aware that your future Canadian-passport holder partner lives nearby.

They’ll be aware of who will serve you breakfast.

What’s that proverb about kids not being able to see what an adult can see while seated? It applies here. Nigerian parents can notice things that we can’t because they have some form of 3D vision. They may be able to recognize a partner who will make you breakfast and who seeks a long-term commitment due to their advanced age.

Your cousin won’t be your date.

The likelihood of falling in love with your cousin would be nil if they choose someone for you because they are more familiar with the family tree than you are.

You can skip the talking stage

They will divulge all of your personal information to possible suitors, down down to the brand of soap you use. They’ll gather all of their data as well and inform you of everything. No need to speak on stage once more. simply wed!

They know how to shoot shots

Even while you might be too bashful to take the shot, your parents aren’t. They’ll be happy to speak with anyone on your behalf and do a good job of selling your product. They’ll make you sound so good that they could want to marry you right then and there.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

5 things you should never share with your partner, under any circumstances

Don’t talk about these things with your partner for the sake of your relationship and your mental health. Particularly number 4 and 5.

Clothes

Refrain from doing it. Your clothing is lost forever. Ever.

Address

They could feel the need to visit frequently. And when they text you to say they’re coming over for the fourth time in less than a week, you’ll break down in tears if you’re anything like me and enjoy my alone time and personal space. Just say that you reside somewhere out in the woods. (I don’t have the strength to concoct a plausible falsehood right now.)

Your music 

If you make the mistake of sharing your favorite music with your significant other, you won’t be able to hear Asake’s Palazzo when they serve you breakfast. When the music starts playing at the club, you’ll start sobbing uncontrollably.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)

What kind of person are you? Why do you intend to share your STD with your partner?

Passwords

Your significant other will now unlock your phone in order to find anything that will make their chest hurt while you are still in bed, jeje. By keeping your passwords to yourself, you may avoid this whole situation.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

If These People Aren’t on Your Twitter TL, Your Twitter Isn’t Complete

Twitter isn’t all that unlike from many Nigerian markets. Everyone is welcome to enter, and after spending some time there, you won’t be as astonished by what your two koro koro eyes are seeing.

If you use Twitter correctly, you should see all of these people on your timeline (TL).

Alpha males

“As a guy, you ought never to be seen with an umbrella. Declare your authority by telling the rain, “If you touch me, I’ll smack you.” Become a man.

People who get upset at everything

It could be just them.

Those who must always hold divergent opinions

These people wait for everyone to establish an opinion before stating the exact opposite—while still using bbuzzwords, mind you—in an effort to appear educated. “Some of us are wise, every other person overwise,” as Ololade mi Asake once said.

Christians

On the TL, someone is constantly extolling the virtues of Christ or another favorite deity. Additionally, you’ll see someone post a testimony of a miracle God performed for them online.

Always eager to drag Christians are certain individuals.

These people are ready to pull anyone who mentions the name “Jesus” if they hear it used in this manner. So Jesus kept you from dying, I see. Why didn’t he save everyone else who perishes every day?

Relationship people

You’re browsing Twitter alone, trying to find something to distract you from the breakup text you just got. The next thing you know, you’re wondering if you’re actually a real human being or a potato after seeing a picture of individuals celebrating their 12-year anniversary with before and after pictures.

Football people

Possibly the most insane but also the funniest folks on the platform. You’ll be OK if you let them carry on with their banter. Anything you receive if you, a non-football person, try to criticize their club or favorite players, consider it as such.

Doctors

Since I receive all of my unsolicited medical advice from Twitter doctors, I haven’t visited the hospital in years. Regards, folks.

Comrade and vawulence people

It reminds me of insects. You can’t really see them right away (TL). However, as soon as you open the cabinets, you’ll notice them swarming all over the place in their vast numbers. To make sure everyone is comfortable while watching the “vawulence,” they even offer refreshments and seats.

Follow for follow people

No Twitter user should have fewer than 8,000 followers, ifb. Let’s begin a thread that is follow for follow. Those who liked this tweet should be followed. I’ll go back with everyone else. this significant 2022. SMH.

UI/UX Design Twitter

These people are always “experimenting” with Figma and “inadvertently” creating well-planned product designs.

Influencers

Twitter serves as their workplace. Do they actually use the things they’re promoting, or are they just getting paid to say that? Don’t worry, it’s never really challenging to tell.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

All The Many Questions That Are Possibile When Beginning A New Job

Congratulations! You have been hired. has a distinctive type of anxiety.

At that point, your village’s imposter syndrome starts to make an appearance, with queries like, “Can you perform? How much time will it take for them to realize you’re a fraud?

There are further issues with the new 9–5, particularly in Nigeria, that are more work-related. So what are a few of these problems?

Where do they sell food?

I don’t play with food, and neither should you, as you can see. Finding out where the sweetest yet most reasonably priced food is sold is crucial on the first day of a new job. Never let capitalism triumph.

How many toilets are there?

We require time, music, and adequate solitude to conduct our business since we have shy sphincters. Because there is only one restroom in the office, you don’t want to have a situation where people are pounding on the door. I even suggest include “how many toilets do you have in the company” as one of the interview questions.

Hope they don’t owe salary?

The suffering shall never return. especially if you have gone through something similar in the past. One of the many inquiries that niggles at the back of your mind is this one.

Okay, what time do we close?

There are some 9–5 jobs that are actually 24-hour jobs. You may be wondering whether this is one of those, but hopefully it isn’t.

Is there December bonus?

Please, aid. God bless you and thank you.

What’s the cost of transportation?

Are there any delays on my commute? How much of my pay goes toward that and do I need to take five buses, a boat, and two flying carpets to go to work?

Can we work from home?

Please. I’m not good with traffic jams. Please.

Categories
On the Blaze

What if these Nigerian musicians were your classmates in secondary school?

Think of this as your yearbook if you were a member of the Class of 2022. These are the traits of the classmates you have. Let’s go!😂

Portable

The class’s huckster. He always has rips in his uniform from fights. On his head is a lapalapa. Teachers do not make an effort to make sure he knows what they are saying. They already know he won’t listen.

Tiwa Savage

tiwa savage
tiwa savage

She is the class’s hottie. Boys in your class that smell bad don’t even bother to approach her. She only hangs out with senior boys. Her attire? always spotless.

Burna Boy

burna boy
burna boy

His parents are wealthy, and he previously attended school abroad, but as a punishment, he is now back in Nigeria. He is now the privileged kid in the class who avoids all other students. He can’t tolerate Portable, and everyone else smells.

Tope Alabi

Give your life to Christ is what she has written on her desk. She leads the group in praise and worship each morning as the chapel prefect. She takes the lead and responds to queries as though it were a contest. In CRK, she has never received anything less than an A. She’s the only member in your group whose uniform wasn’t slim-fit.

Ayra Starr

ayra starr
ayra starr

Prefect of society. She literally puts forth good vibrations. There is never a dull moment with her.

Teni

She is mean. She is feared not only by juniors, but also by the boys in her class. She always occupies the last seat in the group. She also takes her phone to class.

Rema

rema
rema

Rema is only interested in going to English class because he loves the teacher. You know if you know, right?

Dwin the Stoic

He knows how to sing and makes it his entire personality, which has helped him win every talent competition since JSS 1. Swag? None. Babes? He’s been friendzoned by everyone. But he can sing, at least.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

6 Places You Can Easily Find Love Before 2022 Ends

Because you haven’t met a romantic companion yet, your enemies are making fun of you even though November is almost gone. But it’s never too late to fall in love. Let’s aid you in your own self-help.

INEC office 

Keep an eye out whenever you go to pick up your voter’s card since the love of your life might be there. At least you know the person is a responsible citizen who cares about Nigeria if you fall in love at the INEC office.

Someone’s marital home 

Your true soul mate might be someone else’s companion. Don’t allow a ridiculous thing like marriage prevent you from finding them.

The nation’s capital 

Why not have the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with there in Abuja, if Abuja can boast of having a travel influencer President?

Traffic

You already occupy all of your time there. Most especially in that Lagos traffic😩. It’s possible to fall in love there. To publicize your singlehood, you can hand out brochures or lug a megaphone around.

Market

No one is exactly sure what is sold in all of these large markets. So, who’s to say you can’t spend money on finding a lifelong partner?

Linkedin

Startup announcements do not always occur. Inform people from time to time that you’re looking for someone to wear pajamas to bed with.

Categories
On the Blaze

Which, Rich Friends or Loyal Friends, Would You Rather Have?

It’s a nice day to talk about friends because it’s a contemplative Thursday, guys. 

We create friends, but life sorts them out, goes a proverb. 

We all need friends, but we can each decide what kind of friends we want to maintain. 

We all interact with people on a daily basis, and it is up to us to decide how, when, and why we decide to keep them as friends or closest friends. 

LOYAL FRIENDS: Good character may win people’s hearts; money cannot buy loyalty.

People’s love is a pathway to heart wealth. 

I think they’re both emotionally invested in it. 

Let’s discuss your opinions of this. 

Which Kind Of Friends—Rich Or Loyal—Would You Prefer?

Categories
On the Blaze

Elon Musk named an African musician as his favorite musician. (Watch Video)

Elon Musk, a business magnate and the richest man on earth, has named Ghanaian singer Black Sherif as his top musical preference. 

Elon Musk claimed that he like Black Sherif’s music because he can identify with it and because it is his style of music. 

Given the number of people who would be curious to know Elon Musk’s favorite musician after viewing the interview, this is a significant endorsement for Blacko. 

Mr. Musk stated that he even performed a song by Black Sheriff the day before the interview and that he was looking forward to meeting him soon. 

Watch the video here: