You’ve made the decision to go out to party. That’s fantastic. However, if you truly want to have a good time at whatever event you attend, avoid going out with any of these people because they will frustrate you in some way.
Couples
If you go out with a couple, you’ll be sorry. They only know how to annoy PDAs and exchange saliva whenever they get the chance. I didn’t invite you out for a dry hump; I invited you out for drinks.
Ambiverts
At the very least, introverts prefer to stay at home. Ambiverts have on and off days, and they don’t always realize they don’t want to be out until they are. If you’re out with an ambivert on a day when they want to stay in, God help you. They will irritate you by constantly acting as if they are being punished. They will not even attempt to have fun; instead, they will sit in a corner and press their phones. Meanwhile, they’re the ones who asked you to accompany them. Chisom, we just arrived; stop asking if we can go.
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9-5ers
9-5ers are full-blown party animals. It’s like they channel all the stress from their work into energy for turn up. When you go out with them, you’ll be exhausted within one hour. If you’re out with bankers, architects or lawyers to be precise, just be ready to stay out till 5 a.m. They don’t know when to call it a night, even when they have work the following day.
People who live with their parents
They’ll try to include you in one stressful lie or scheme so that they can be out. When they’re finally out, they’re paranoid about getting caught. Can’t even post them on your insta story in case one grand cousin’s sister’s daughter accidentally finds your page. Omo, Tunde, this isn’t what I signed up for. Then there are the ones with 9 p.m. curfews, who try to make you leave early too. You and who? Do I leave with your parents?
People who live far away
They always have to leave early because their house is far from civilisation. You sef should know better than to invite somebody from FESTAC out at night. If you want them to stay longer, you have to give them a place to sleep.
Gym buffs
Latest 7 p.m., they’re heading back home because they have to go to the gym the next morning. And while they’re out, they won’t eat or drink certain things because it’s not part of their diet. And they’ll judge you while you’re eating your shawarma and fries at 11 p.m. As if you’re on the diet with them.
Influencers
All they want to do is record videos of every single thing that’s happening, all in the name of content. Instead of properly partying, they’re shooting “Come turn up with me on a Friday night” vlogs. If you give them the chance, they’ll carry tripod to the club.