Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

This December, ‘How to Ball on a Mechanic’s Budget’

There are only a few weeks left in 2022, so you should already be able to tell whether you’re a baller or a mechanic. And if the latter applies to you, you’ll need these suggestions to make the most of the next holiday season.

Fast and pray.

Committing your account to God through prayer is the first step. Will he increase the value of your account, assign an assistant to find you, or grant you concert tickets in your dreams? If you don’t try, you won’t know.

Buy affordable tickets ‘not asake’ tickets😭’

Who’s to say that you need to be a big boy to hang out with them? Whether you obtained your ticket through a giveaway or just because you are the bird that didn’t sleep is irrelevant. What counts is that you’re outside, dancing to your favorite artist’s performance, and screaming your lungs out.

Get rid of your properties.

You need to increase your income because that is the sole reason you aren’t a baller. If you don’t have any properties to sell, don’t worry. You can make a lot of money by selling your body. Should we point out that you have a functioning kidney and a spare?

Take public transportation.

On the day of the event, you still don’t have enough cash to pay for Uber because you had to sell your father’s land to get Asake’s tickets. Don’t worry; you’ll enjoy public transportation. Use “o wa” as practice for when your favorite performs, as a pro tip.

Possess wealthy friends.

They advise follow who know road but hold your tfare! Additionally, it’s an indication that you should start cutting ties with your current buddies if they aren’t offering you free tickets. Were we able to figure out how you’d meet the wealthy? No. But we’re confident you’ll figure it out.

Eat from home.

There is no rule that says you can’t be a foodie, but try to eat something before you leave the house. We cannot allow you to become so hungry during your legwork that you pass out due to your refusal to pay 5K for pasta with facebeat.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

5 things you should never share with your partner, under any circumstances

Don’t talk about these things with your partner for the sake of your relationship and your mental health. Particularly number 4 and 5.

Clothes

Refrain from doing it. Your clothing is lost forever. Ever.

Address

They could feel the need to visit frequently. And when they text you to say they’re coming over for the fourth time in less than a week, you’ll break down in tears if you’re anything like me and enjoy my alone time and personal space. Just say that you reside somewhere out in the woods. (I don’t have the strength to concoct a plausible falsehood right now.)

Your music 

If you make the mistake of sharing your favorite music with your significant other, you won’t be able to hear Asake’s Palazzo when they serve you breakfast. When the music starts playing at the club, you’ll start sobbing uncontrollably.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)

What kind of person are you? Why do you intend to share your STD with your partner?

Passwords

Your significant other will now unlock your phone in order to find anything that will make their chest hurt while you are still in bed, jeje. By keeping your passwords to yourself, you may avoid this whole situation.

Categories
Lifestyle Relationship

11 waves That Show Your Partner Isn’t Your Best Friend

I constantly hear the phrase “I can’t believe I’m marrying my best friend” somewhere in wedding vows. It’s difficult for me to believe that everyone is best friends with their spouse. You folks may not understand what it means to be best friends with your significant other. So I made the decision to prove to you that it’s probably not true.

The two of you never have fun.

You don’t watch amusing trash together and giggle for hours, or act like children on sugar highs. You don’t engage in games or other enjoyable activities like face painting and such outings.

You are unsure of their preferences.

They are most definitely not your best buddy if they don’t know that you enjoy Papa Ajasco or Double Chickwizz. Best friends have extensive knowledge of one another.

You two don’t spend a lot of time together.

Even though you don’t live far apart, your friendship isn’t the best when you only see each other once every two weeks. They should always want to hang out with you because you two like each other’s company. Calls and texts are included in this. They would want to chat to you at any opportunity because they are your BFF.

They don’t refuel you

They are supposed to be your best friend and gas you up in all sorts and fashions in the comments area of each photo you put online. Under the picture, they’ll post at least five comments.

They don’t stand by you

Not merely career help is being discussed here. When I say support you, I don’t just mean when you’re being ridiculed by others or making jokes. The closest of friends stand by each other and defend each other.

You two don’t feel at ease with one another.

They’re not your closest buddy if you’re concerned about what your partner would say if you ate indomie from the pot while completely nude. They can show you their hairy bums and soup-stained clothing since they are best pals. It implies that individuals can act and speak without worrying about looking foolish. Have you ever puffed your chest out in front of your partner?

They do not dredge you up

Every five minutes, best buddies pull each other behind a little generator. Because they are aware of the limit, they don’t fear offending the other person. You can tell your partner they have a big head but still lack common sense, thus you’re not the best of friends if you can’t say that to them.

You are not permitted to steal their clothes.

They become really furious when you steal their clothing. That’s it? Just one friendship? It’s certainly not a romantic one. Just wickedness, that’s all.

They lack the skills necessary to cuddle without fornicating.

Any minor physical contact becomes sexual. I enjoy sexual attraction, but I also think that you should be able to be in the same room as your partner and yet engage in activities other than entering each other’s bodies. For the love of God, play some board games or something. Not all the time sex.

You two have different tastes.

Your preferred artist need not be their favorite. Best friends have at least a few activities or topics they enjoy discussing in common, even if you don’t share a favorite sports team. With his lover, my friend enjoys watching Yoruba movies; that is the definition of the best friendship.

Not a single meme is sent to you.

Instagram clips, tweets, or TikToks that are amusing My best friend is always the first person I send an idiotic thing to on my TL since we can both make an entire year’s worth of jokes out of it. If your lover responds to whatever you email them in a dull manner, forget it.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

If These People Aren’t on Your Twitter TL, Your Twitter Isn’t Complete

Twitter isn’t all that unlike from many Nigerian markets. Everyone is welcome to enter, and after spending some time there, you won’t be as astonished by what your two koro koro eyes are seeing.

If you use Twitter correctly, you should see all of these people on your timeline (TL).

Alpha males

“As a guy, you ought never to be seen with an umbrella. Declare your authority by telling the rain, “If you touch me, I’ll smack you.” Become a man.

People who get upset at everything

It could be just them.

Those who must always hold divergent opinions

These people wait for everyone to establish an opinion before stating the exact opposite—while still using bbuzzwords, mind you—in an effort to appear educated. “Some of us are wise, every other person overwise,” as Ololade mi Asake once said.

Christians

On the TL, someone is constantly extolling the virtues of Christ or another favorite deity. Additionally, you’ll see someone post a testimony of a miracle God performed for them online.

Always eager to drag Christians are certain individuals.

These people are ready to pull anyone who mentions the name “Jesus” if they hear it used in this manner. So Jesus kept you from dying, I see. Why didn’t he save everyone else who perishes every day?

Relationship people

You’re browsing Twitter alone, trying to find something to distract you from the breakup text you just got. The next thing you know, you’re wondering if you’re actually a real human being or a potato after seeing a picture of individuals celebrating their 12-year anniversary with before and after pictures.

Football people

Possibly the most insane but also the funniest folks on the platform. You’ll be OK if you let them carry on with their banter. Anything you receive if you, a non-football person, try to criticize their club or favorite players, consider it as such.

Doctors

Since I receive all of my unsolicited medical advice from Twitter doctors, I haven’t visited the hospital in years. Regards, folks.

Comrade and vawulence people

It reminds me of insects. You can’t really see them right away (TL). However, as soon as you open the cabinets, you’ll notice them swarming all over the place in their vast numbers. To make sure everyone is comfortable while watching the “vawulence,” they even offer refreshments and seats.

Follow for follow people

No Twitter user should have fewer than 8,000 followers, ifb. Let’s begin a thread that is follow for follow. Those who liked this tweet should be followed. I’ll go back with everyone else. this significant 2022. SMH.

UI/UX Design Twitter

These people are always “experimenting” with Figma and “inadvertently” creating well-planned product designs.

Influencers

Twitter serves as their workplace. Do they actually use the things they’re promoting, or are they just getting paid to say that? Don’t worry, it’s never really challenging to tell.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

All The Many Questions That Are Possibile When Beginning A New Job

Congratulations! You have been hired. has a distinctive type of anxiety.

At that point, your village’s imposter syndrome starts to make an appearance, with queries like, “Can you perform? How much time will it take for them to realize you’re a fraud?

There are further issues with the new 9–5, particularly in Nigeria, that are more work-related. So what are a few of these problems?

Where do they sell food?

I don’t play with food, and neither should you, as you can see. Finding out where the sweetest yet most reasonably priced food is sold is crucial on the first day of a new job. Never let capitalism triumph.

How many toilets are there?

We require time, music, and adequate solitude to conduct our business since we have shy sphincters. Because there is only one restroom in the office, you don’t want to have a situation where people are pounding on the door. I even suggest include “how many toilets do you have in the company” as one of the interview questions.

Hope they don’t owe salary?

The suffering shall never return. especially if you have gone through something similar in the past. One of the many inquiries that niggles at the back of your mind is this one.

Okay, what time do we close?

There are some 9–5 jobs that are actually 24-hour jobs. You may be wondering whether this is one of those, but hopefully it isn’t.

Is there December bonus?

Please, aid. God bless you and thank you.

What’s the cost of transportation?

Are there any delays on my commute? How much of my pay goes toward that and do I need to take five buses, a boat, and two flying carpets to go to work?

Can we work from home?

Please. I’m not good with traffic jams. Please.

Categories
Lifestyle On the Blaze

6 Places You Can Easily Find Love Before 2022 Ends

Because you haven’t met a romantic companion yet, your enemies are making fun of you even though November is almost gone. But it’s never too late to fall in love. Let’s aid you in your own self-help.

INEC office 

Keep an eye out whenever you go to pick up your voter’s card since the love of your life might be there. At least you know the person is a responsible citizen who cares about Nigeria if you fall in love at the INEC office.

Someone’s marital home 

Your true soul mate might be someone else’s companion. Don’t allow a ridiculous thing like marriage prevent you from finding them.

The nation’s capital 

Why not have the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with there in Abuja, if Abuja can boast of having a travel influencer President?

Traffic

You already occupy all of your time there. Most especially in that Lagos traffic😩. It’s possible to fall in love there. To publicize your singlehood, you can hand out brochures or lug a megaphone around.

Market

No one is exactly sure what is sold in all of these large markets. So, who’s to say you can’t spend money on finding a lifelong partner?

Linkedin

Startup announcements do not always occur. Inform people from time to time that you’re looking for someone to wear pajamas to bed with.

Categories
Entertainment News Lifestyle

Dear Nigerian Women, Let’s Discuss Your Flirting Prowess

A prophecy made before Nigeria even existed said that its ladies wouldn’t know how to flirt. Unfortunately, it did happen, and Nigerian women began acting absurdly, which they refer to as flirting. So that Nigerian women can answer for their crimes, we need to have a discussion.

Staring is not it 

Even if you fixate on them for three business days, they won’t realize you like them. They would want nothing to do with you since, if anything, they think you’re a strange person. Consider starting a conversation. You won’t pass away. Avoid giving them the impression that you are trying to predict their future.

No, they can’t read your mind 

You can’t assume that they will be aware of your admiration. Reading minds is not a skill that humans are born with. Rest if you are unable to expand your mouth while still seeming gorgeous.

Calling them “big head” isn’t enough

Calling someone names when you’re flirting with them is childish. You are an adult who can express your sentiments; you are not a child. However, you’ll be perplexed as to why they friend-zoned you. Babe, why won’t they treat you like a friend when you arrive with the spirit of one?

“Let your girlfriend not come and beat me o” 

Aunty, start by asking if they have a girlfriend. If you’re wary about someone approaching you in a woman’s body, express an interest in them and wait to hear what they have to say.

Constantly saying “fine boy like you” 

He is a fine boy if he is one. Stop attempting to smuggle praises in. “How can you say that to a fine boy like you?” Even students in secondary education are more straightforward than this. You can pay the compliment if you wish.

“Sir” doesn’t work either 

Why do women call men “sir” when they are flirting with them? How severe is your father-issues? Why is this? You don’t even address the person who pays your salary as “sir.”

Liking multiple pictures 

Pictures are enjoyed by all. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything that you like several images. Instead, try sending them a DM. That is the way things are.

Categories
Entertainment News Lifestyle

When nothing continued to work for me, I began to battle God. – Ara

Aralola Olumuyiwa, often known as Ara, is the most prominent female talking drummer in Nigeria. She has remembered how her life quickly spiraled downward after gaining notoriety.

The drummer claims that this occurred years after a family friend told him about a dream he had about her. In an interview with The Nation, she stated:

“In 1999, a photographer to a family friend who was very close to us came running to my place one afternoon. Then I was still in my parent’s house at Ajao estate, he lived in Mafoluku. I was sleeping. My mother told them to wake me and that photo wants to see me. That he is from Bayelsa. I went. He said, Lola, I dey dream o. I dream and I see you this afternoon. God bring your picture come do am like this for my face, say go and look for my daughter, tell her to serve me, to seek me everything she wants, I will give her. If she does not serve me, if she does not seek me, she will see paper and call it money on the floor. And it happened to me. I thought it was a joke.”

Ara admitted that when nothing continued to go her way, she began to battle God. She also talked about spending over a year in a single motel room.

But the drummer went on to say that after she cried out to God and asked him what he wanted her to do, things started to get better.

Ara furthered:

“All of a sudden everything stopped working. People that would call for shows all of a sudden, everything stopped. Shows that I get paid N3m is what people would be pricing for N100,000. To cut the long story short, I became homeless, I couldn’t afford to feed, couldn’t pay my child’s school fees, I sold all of my cars, sold my hummer jeep, Hilux, things started going bad. It got to a stage where I said this must be the hand of God. Something is wrong. I went for prayers and I was told that nobody is fighting me, that this is God. Listen to him. He wants to use you for something but you are not listening to him. I said okay but you know we are stubborn. I started fighting God, I suffered the more. For almost one year, I lived in one room in a hotel. This is in 2019. But you see the day I cried like the prodigal son, I said, God this is me, whatever you want to do with me, you made me, you moulded me, please, forgive me, I have come back to you. What do you want me to do?

“When things started happening to me, when I went through that process of from hero to zero, I remembered that dream. Meanwhile, I have dumped this project. I went back to God to say that the people that would help me is You. It is not how talented, connected or how popular I am now, it is You. If this is your hand God, bring the people. The day the governor called me, I nearly entered the gutter. I said this is God. Let me share something. The day I received the endorsement letter on December 22, I took that letter and I was going home to share with my younger brother. I got home, opened the envelope, there was no letter there. It disappeared. 

“Till today, I don’t know where it disappeared to. I didn’t go anywhere. I called the ministry to ask if I left it, they said I didn’t because I folded it and kept it. We thoroughly searched for it. Meanwhile, I told the DG that it has taken almost 10 years to get the letter from Lagos state. He asked what happened, I told him it was spiritual that he cannot understand. When I didn’t find that letter I called him back and said sir, I can’t find that letter. He said that is the only original copy they did that they only have photocopies. I told him not to worry that I would work with it, that he should please give it to me. But before 11pm, he called me back. I had said to God if it is you, you would do something again. Before 11pm, they called me again to say they were able to get the honourable commissioner to sign another original. I got it back. Today the honourable commissioner is here. I did not meet him one on one until a few weeks ago in his office.’

Categories
Lifestyle Relationship

In the presence of your babe, can you give a lady your phone number?

So you and your girlfriend made the decision to have fun and spend some time at the club.

When you arrived, the bartender served the drinks you had ordered and informed you that the bill had already been paid.

You were wondering who paid for it when you noticed a sophisticated, gorgeous woman approaching where you and your partner were sitting and revealing that she is the one who made the payment.

As she was talking, you began to like her and create scenarios in your head. She then asked for your phone number without noticing that you had a companion. How will you proceed? How Do You Plan To Approach The Situation?

Can You Give a Lady Your Number While Your Babe Is Around?
Leave a comment below.

Categories
Lifestyle

While growing up, Did you use the bathroom with your mum?

African mothers enjoy taking showers in the same bathroom as their children.

You ought to know and be familiar with this if you were born and raised in Africa. Perhaps your mother went through it with you when you were a child.

Some claim that doing so is improper, especially when the child is a boy. Some mothers, however, don’t see anything wrong with it because they believe their children have little knowledge of their bodies.

Some of you may have experienced the experience while taking a bath in the same bathroom as your mother.

Share a personal story.

Use the comment section below⬇️